A term taken from what I reblogged in my last post. A jar of autism. The notion amuses me greatly. I’d love to keep my autism in a jar. Then I could put it away when sitting in class with 23 other people. And I could take it out for when maths assignments require logical thinking.

A jar for my autism. That’d be great.

Heck, if I could bottle autism and sell it (without losing it) I’d be friggin rich by now. More than half my classmates would definitely buy it, so they could max all their assignments like I do. But hey, bottled autism should only be applied with care and never in copious amounts, I mean, we don’t want all of that troublesome hypersensitivity to sounds and other sensory stimuli. The bottles or jars would have to come with one of those pharmaceutical warning stickers, no more than two sniffs three times a day or something like that.

But what do I care about riches, I’d be glad if sometimes, just for a little while - a teeny little while - I could bottle up my autism and for once in my life not be bothered with having other people around me; for once in my life not having to choose between being overstimulated by overheating in the summerheat OR being overstimulated by the noise of having a ventilator running to cool down my room. Little things like that.

A jar of autism. Many people would buy it - all those who’ve never seen anything relating to autism other than myself and my maxed out maths tests and assignments (me or others in the same situation, mind you).

So many times over the past 3-4 weeks have I heard “Ohhh I wish I had that, too.” And OMG I’m getting sick of telling people “No, my dear ignorant peeps, who think you would breeze through a maths course if you were like me, you do not wish you had that too, because you would have to wave goodbye to outings on the town, cafés every week, bars, nightclubs and discos, random parties, to a large degree you’d have to wave goodbye to family and possibly significant others, and you’d have to wave goodbye to any spontaneity you might entertain at the moment. Do you think I need Wednesdays off from classes in order to party wild? Think again. I need Wednesdays off, because while maths may be as natural for me as social relations are to you. Being around people are to me what fucking advanced integers are to you.”

So I actually really wish I could bottle my autism. Not because I want to be rid of it - I like my mind the way it is, thank you - but because I’d like to really be able to show people that autism is much more than a little social awkwardness and a row of maxed out maths assignments. It’s a row of maths assignments DESPITE having to be in a class where people TALK to me (ARGH!) and sometimes TOUCH me, too, (EEEK!), and they talk amongst themselves! (STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!!!) Maybe then they’d understand why I mean it when I say it’s a disability and not just genius-maths-skills.

But then, they could settle for two sniffs three times a day, and they’d probably learn nothing at all despite my efforts.

But who cares, they’ll have paid for a jar of autism, and I’ll have made a little cash, something which is usually a very welcome thing, when living with and compensating for a disability for the same amount of money that my non-disabled peers have at their disposal.

So… who wants to buy?